WATCHING, LEARNING, BECOMING

There are lessons that arrive quietly, not through instruction, but through observation. This is one of them.

I have watched how power reveals itself when it feels unquestioned, I have watched a certain leader treat one of us unfairly, and in that treatment, I see a mirror of what one day may be reserved for me, not because I have done anything wrong, but because patterns rarely stop with one person, they simply wait for their next subject.

On several occasions, I have observed the same scene unfold, disrespect delivered without restraint, a voice raised, threats disguised as authority, words chosen not to correct but to wound, it feels deliberate, almost calculated, to ensure that his final days at work are heavy, humiliating, and unforgettable for all the wrong reasons, No farewell dignity, No gratitude, Just pressure, fear, and exhaustion.

What hurts the most is watching him endure it all in silence.

I have watched him slowly drain, emotionally, mentally, carrying his pain quietly, slipping into a sadness that looks a lot like depression. I see him wondering what kind of exit this is. Questioning himself. Regretting the decision to serve a notice he believed would allow him to leave with dignity. He thought doing the right thing, serving properly, showing up every day, working until the very last hour, would be honored. Instead, it has been turned against him.

And yet, his work ethic is remarkable. He serves until the last day with integrity, discipline, and grace, despite the weight he carries. That is what makes this so painful to witness. The way he leaves, burdened and broken rather than celebrated, makes my heart ache. No one deserves to walk away from years/months of service carrying this kind of pain.

I understand that leadership is not an easy role. I understand that decisions must be made, standards enforced, and responsibilities upheld. I know he is doing his job. But I also know this: doing your job does not require cruelty. Authority does not demand humiliation, and leadership, especially within an organization as vast and powerful as this one, should never be stripped of empathy.

In a place so big, humanity should not be scarce.

True leadership is not about pleasing everyone, this much is clear, nor is it about being ruled by emotion, but there is a wide, painful gap between professionalism and intimidation, between firmness and fear, What I have witnessed lives firmly on the wrong side of that divide.

Junior staffs are not less human; Titles do not determine worth, respect should not be conditional upon rank, confidence, or proximity to power, and yet, what I have watched is the direct opposite of these ideals, Respect is withheld, compassion is absent. fear is used as a tool, perhaps because it is quicker, louder, and easier than patience.

I find myself wishing, quietly, deeply, that we would all think of others before making certain decisions. That we would pause long enough to ask how our words, our tone, our actions will live in someone else long after the moment has passed.

And so, I sit. I watch. I learn.

I learn what kind of leader I never want to become.

I learned how silence in the room can feel heavier than shouting.

I learned how witnessing injustice plants a quiet warning in the heart: pay attention, this is how systems speak when they think no one is listening.

It is painful to be a bystander, to feel the urge to intervene but lack the power to do so without consequences. There is a helplessness in knowing what is wrong and being forced to remain still. It teaches restraint, yes, but it also teaches sorrow, because part of me knows that today it is him, and tomorrow it could be me.

Still, I hold onto hope.

I hope that one day, when my time comes to lead, I will be better. Not to please everyone, and not to be driven by emotion, but to treat everyone with respect, to correct without crushing, to lead with firmness and empathy side by side, to remember how it felt to watch someone leave this way, and to choose differently.

And maybe that is the quiet purpose of this chapter, to remind myself that even when I am powerless to act, I am not powerless to learn.

 

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