YOU WILL SUFFOCATE

Some of you are holding your breath, waiting for me to fail.

Like my downfall is your oxygen, my silence is your survival, my pain is the only thing that keeps your lungs open at night.

It’s funny how invested you are in my collapse, you don’t even know my daily battles, but you’ve memorized my mistakes, you don’t know my prayers, but you have rehearsed my downfall speeches.

You don’t know how many times I chose myself in rooms that wanted me to disappear, but you’re experts at narrating what you think my life should look like.

Tell me, !!!!

what kind of life requires someone else’s failure to feel successful? that’s not ambition, that’s starvation dressed up as confidence. You don’t want me to lose because I hurt you, ou want me to lose because my existence exposes how small you have chosen to live.

I didn’t steal your spotlight, you were never brave enough to step into your own light and you sit in the shadows, critiquing my courage like it’s your full-time job.

I see you 😊 😁 , the ones who smile in daylight and whisper in darkness, the ones who call me “strong” but secretly hope I crack, the ones who pretend to be concerned but are secretly entertained by my storms.

You feed on my struggles because you don’t have the discipline to build your own story.

Here’s the truth, 

I have survived things you only use as gossip, I have cried in silence so my strength wouldn’t make you uncomfortable.

I have carried myself with dignity in spaces that tried to reduce me to rumors, I have learned that sometimes the loneliest place isn’t being alone, it’s being surrounded by people who don’t want you to win.

You thought my quiet seasons were weakness???? No, that was me outgrowing the need to announce my healing to people who don’t deserve updates.

You thought my distance was arrogance, no, that was me protecting my peace from your chaos, you thought my boundaries were betrayal ?? Naaaaaaaa, that was me finally choosing myself over being palatable to you.

Let me be clear 🤔 

I am not your entertainment, my pain is not your content, my journey is not your group discussion topic and I am allowed to evolve without sending you a memo, while you are holding your breath,

I’m learning to breathe in rooms with no windows, while you are counting my failures, I’m counting my lessons While you are waiting for me to fall apart publicly, I’m rebuilding privately, quietly, fiercely, patiently, and I know this bothers you because you don’t get to witness my breakdown anymore, you don’t get front-row seats to my vulnerability, you lost access when you turned my softness into a weapon against me.

Some of you only love me when I am useful, when I’m comforting you, when I’m listening to your problems, when I’m shrinking so you don’t feel intimidated by my becoming, the moment I stopped bleeding for your convenience you called me distant, proud, cold.

No!!!!

I just stopped offering my wounds to people who clap when I fall, you want me to fail so you can feel right about doubting me, to fail so your bitterness feels justified or so you don’t have to confront the truth, that my growth is a mirror reflecting your refusal to grow, but here’s the part that stings,,,,I don’t need to fight you, time will., life will, your own stagnation will, because when your identity is built around waiting for someone else to collapse you forget to build a life that can stand on its own.

I will keep walking alone if I must, gracefully if I can, relentlessly if I have to, I will outgrow rooms, shed versions of myself that you were comfortable controlling, become unfamiliar to people who only knew the broken version of me, and when you finally exhale, when you realize I didn’t break, notice I didn’t disappear, see that I am still standing, still rising, still choosing myself, YOU WILL SUFFOCATE.

Not because I harmed you or wished you ill but because you trained your lungs to breathe on my downfall, and I trained my spirit to survive without your approval.

That said, hold your breath if you want, wait for my failure like it’s your salvation, make my name your nightly prayer and your daily conversation. I will keep becoming and you will keep waiting.

And waiting!!!!!!

And waiting!!!!!!!!! 🤔

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BENEATH THE QUIET HOURS

Image
1.THE SILENCE THAT RAISED ME I was born in the early 1990s, into a home defined by routine, responsibility, and a quiet, unspoken resilience. Life followed patterns that rarely changed. School mornings were short and efficient. We came home for lunch, and in the afternoons, we went back to the house again, long, quiet stretches of time where the world seemed to pause. Both of my parents worked full-time. My mother returned each evening carrying fatigue that spoke volumes without saying a word tiredness rooted in love, in sacrifice, in survival. My father’s presence was firmer, more distant, mostly reserved for weekends. His love was strict, measured, something we learned to recognize rather than feel openly. We were a large family, but never all in one place. My sister and our second-born brother stayed with our grandmother. Our eldest brother had already moved on to high school, stepping into a future we could only imagine from afar. At home, it was just me and our third-born br...
Read more

MY TURN

This chapter of my life is called MY TURN. Not because I suddenly became selfish, but because I have been selfless for too long. I gave until my hands were empty, loved until my chest was tired, stayed in places that were shrinking my spirit just to prove I was loyal. Now I choose me, not loudly, not for applause, but intentionally, I’m choosing my growth, even when it makes people uncomfortable. I’m choosing my peace, even when it looks like distance, choosing my healing, even when others prefer me broken because broken people are easier to control. For years, I was the “understanding one.”, the one who made excuses for disrespect, one who stayed silent to keep the room comfortable, who carried other people’s pain while bleeding quietly in corners, the one who showed up for everyone, even when nobody showed up for me, and look at me now, still standing, Still breathing, Still here, but this time, I’m standing differently. My back is straighter, My boundaries are louder than my mouth, ...
Read more

NEXT VICTIM

Coming from the same country doesn’t make you my friend. It doesn’t make you family. It doesn’t make you close. It just means we boarded different flights with the same passport. I treated her like a big sister, no, let’s be honest, like a mother. I listened, I nodded, I sat there quietly while she seasoned other women’s names like stew, one insult at a time. And the funny thing? I knew. Oh, I knew. When someone is that comfortable tearing others apart, it’s only a matter of time before you’re added to the menu. I just didn’t know when my name would be served. Spoiler alert: it was coming. 😂 There we were, at a party. Music loud. Food good. Laughter real. Greek-themed gowns everywhere, flowing, dramatic, giving Olympus realness. Women glowing, dancing, eating like they deserved joy. And me? I was present. Happy. Free. Unbothered. Or so I thought. Because while we were dancing and living, she was sitting. Not resting. Not enjoying. Sitting and strategizing. Plotting. Calculating. Like ...
Read more