10TH APRIL. I ✍️✍️✍️✍️✍️

Tomorrow is not just a date, It is a scar that learned how to breathe, it sits in my chest like a weight I cannot put down, it lives in my bones, in my silence, in the parts of me that no one sees.

Tomorrow reminds me of PAIN, not the kind you cry about once and forget, but the kind that rewrites you, the kind that takes who you were and leaves you staring at someone you don’t recognize anymore.
It reminds me of the seven men who tried to erase me, the seven men who the best way they knew was to RAPE, those that their revenge landed them in my innocent self, the one that took turns on me, seven faces I never asked to remember, yet they live in my mind like a nightmare that refuses to end.

It reminds me of that night, that night that was supposed to be simple, anight that was supposed to be laughter, music, freedom, just living, breathing and being young, but it wasn’t that. It was a setup, a trap carefully laid out and I walked into it without knowing that my life was about to split into two, the girl before that night,
and the woman who had to survive after it.

Tomorrow reminds me of betrayal, not from strangers but from someone I trusted, A best friend, Someone who knew my laughter, my fears and my heart. Someone I would have defended without thinking twice, and still…they chose money over me, 20Gz,
Tell me,,,how does someone sleep after selling a human being? After trading trust for something so temporary, while leaving someone else with something so permanent??????

Tomorrow reminds me of how cheap I was made to feel 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 
How my life was negotiated, my safety had a price tag 😊 😁 

It reminds me of the doctors, the ones who looked at me like I was exaggerating,
like I was dramatic, like my pain was something they could dismiss with a glance. I went to them broken, and they sent me away unheard.
Do you know what it feels like to be in pain and still not be believed??? I bet you don't,
To be screaming inside your own body
while the world tells you to calm down?
Tomorrow reminds me of the people who doubted me, the whispers, the looks, the silence that felt louder than words.
People who chose comfort over truth,
Who chose disbelief because believing me
would mean accepting how cruel the world can be, so they turned away and left me alone with something I never should have carried by myself.

Tomorrow reminds me of how fast life can change, how one moment you are laughing and the next moment… you are fighting for your life, how one night can steal your sense of safety, your trust and your innocence.
How one night can follow you for years.

Tomorrow reminds me of how being a woman made me pay a price I didn’t even know existed, a price I never agreed to, a price forced onto me, and the world still expected me to be okay.

Tomorrow reminds me of the years that followed, the silent suffering, the nights I couldn’t sleep because my mind wouldn’t stop replaying everything, the mornings I woke up already tired, the days I smiled just to survive, just to blend in, just to not be asked questions I wasn’t ready to answer. It reminds me of how vulnerable I became, how exposed, how unsafe I felt even in places that were supposed to protect me. It reminds me of how my trust didn’t just break, it shattered into pieces so small I didn’t know how to put them back together.

Tomorrow reminds me of how I fought, because I did fight, even when I was scared, even when I was exhausted and when I felt like giving up would be easier than continuing, I fought to stay alive, I fought to keep breathing, I fought through the memories, through the fear and through the loneliness.

There were days I didn’t think I would make it, days I felt like I was drowning in something no one could see, but somehow…I am still here, and that confuses me sometimes, because how do you survive something that was meant to destroy you?? How do you survive sexual abuse for six years from six to twelve years, then survive a seven men rape?? How do you explain to your friends that your first, second,third,tenth,30th sexual experience was still rape?? 
How do you wake up after everything
and continue living in a world that feels so unsafe???

Tomorrow reminds me that I am not the same person I was,that girl is gone, she was killed before she could even enjoy her childhood, and in her place… is someone stronger, sometimes hurtles, some call her a bully, others ask her why she doesn't smile 😊 😊 😊, but also someone more guarded, someone who knows pain too well. Someone who had to grow up in ways that were never fair...and yet…

This same 10th of April,!!!!!!!!!!! this day that carries so much darkness, also carries something unexpected,,,,,
POWER, because every time it comes,
it reminds me that they didn’t finish me, it reminds me that I am still standing in a story that tried to bury me, it reminds me that I have a future bigger than what happened to me. It reminds me to want more, to do more, to become more.

10th of April is not just a date to me, It is a reminder of what I went through, of what I survived, of what tried to break me… and didn’t, and one day;!;!;;
I will tell my story, not in fear, not in shame, but in power.
I will take the 🎤🎤 🎤 🎤 and I will speak until even those who refused to listen
have no choice but to hear me. I will speak for the girl I was, the one who didn’t have a voice that night.
And the world will stop.
Because truth has a way of demanding attention when it is finally spoken out loud, but until that day comes…
I write.
I sit with myself.
I become my own safe space.
I listen to my own thoughts,
my own pain,
my own healing.
I don’t judge myself anymore.....
I just…......feel, and sometimes I read my own story and I wonder,
How did I make it this far?
How did I survive something so heavy?
How did I carry all this pain and still find a way to keep going?
And softly,,,,,,,
in the quiet moments where no one else is watching,
I tell myself........ 🫂 
It’s okay.
It’s okay that I’m still healing.
It’s okay that I still hurt.
It’s okay that I am not who I used to be.
Because after everything…
I am still here.
And that......that is something no one can ever take away from me.

And until I hold the 🎤 🎤 🎤 🎤 🎤, I will keep writing, I will keep talking to myself, I will keep listening 🎧 to myself and not judging me, because I GOT ME

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